I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize