Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
