I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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