Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
