I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
