Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
