He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
