If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
