You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
