he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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