Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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