My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
