Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
