Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
