Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
