Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize