I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
