he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
