Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Randomize
