Your face is a jimmy john
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
