i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
