Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
