I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize