I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
