Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
