so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
