My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
