Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
