if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
