I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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