Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
