You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
