I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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