Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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