I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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