areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
