i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
