Sacagawea was the original milf.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
