how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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