I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
