I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
