I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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