I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize