my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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