just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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