Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
