blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
