No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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