You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
