Will you blow on my dice?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
