My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
