I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
