I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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