You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
