I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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