He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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