She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
