he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
