I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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