Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
