he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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