I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
