She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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