Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
