what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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