PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
