No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
