Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
