guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
