i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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