you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
