I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
time to smoke my breakfast
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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