even my farts smell like vagina
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
