When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
