can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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