Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
