Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
