oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
