Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want nice things and good sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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