if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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