i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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