we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
