'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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