My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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