Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
