hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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