its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
