Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
