Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
