no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
