His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
