Cold hands, warm shart.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
