Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
